The Embrace

Making peace with who you are while becoming who you can be.

Chapter 1: The Catalyst

The moment. The shift. The change. The drive. The catalyst. That cathartic moment, like the aha moment in Fight Club, when the protagonist realizes he is the antagonist…he is Tyler Durden. And then he destroys that part of himself, so he can go back to being his true self.

We all go through that moment at least once in our lives.

We’ve all had moments in our lives that, in hindsight, we wish we had handled differently. We have all acted in ways that were beneath us and unlike our character. We all have a bad day that can lead to bad months, bad years, bad decades… but that moment should never lead to a bad life.

That moment…that fall from grace, that stumble, that falter…should lead us to walk onto another path. It should be the catalyst that alters our course in life, the shift in our character. Every great character ever written in a play or screenplay goes through a moment that changed them for the better. It’s okay to have skeletons in your closet, to have something you’re not too proud of, to be ashamed of, especially if you make steps towards bettering yourself. The world looks at what you are today. We live in a culture that digs up the past and throws the dirt in people’s faces, reminding them of their checkered past and preventing them from moving forward. We understand character arcs and praise the characters who go from bad to good, but when it happens in real life, the people who love these stories, go on a witch hunt. It’s ridiculous and needs to stop. If people fail to see who you are today and punish you for what you did yesterday, let them throw their stones. The ones who throw the largest stones are usually the ones who are hiding behind the falsest costumes, full of deceit and lies.

It’s never too late to become the best version of yourself. Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “There’s nothing wrong with me; I’m living my best life.” If that’s the case, feel free to stop reading. This article is for those of us whose feet are worn and scarred by the stones, pebbles, and shards of rock we’ve encountered along the way.

It’s for those of us who’ve come to realize that we’ve been stuck in a ceaseless cycle of repeating the same mistakes. If this strikes a chord with you, I commend you for acknowledging life’s transience. You’ve realized that waiting for a tomorrow that may never come is not the way to improve yourself. The time to start is today.

Albert Einstein famously said, “Repeating the same thing and expecting a different result” is the definition of insanity.

The first step is to refuse to label it a mere “mistake”; rather, be determined to turn it into a valuable “lesson”. Allow yourself to ponder the questions of life. Is there a God up there, looking down at us, evaluating our every decision, measuring our rights and wrongs? Is life meant to teach us these lessons? Do we decide which family we are going to be born into, who our friends are going to be, who our enemies and adversaries are going to be, who our lovers are going to be, who our dreaded bosses are going to be? There is a theory that says just that. We basically prescribe what we need to better our souls. It’s like we’re our own soul doctors.

No one gave us a roadmap on this voyage of life. It’s why many of us feel like vagabonds.

And that’s okay to traverse the world searching for answers like a vagrant because by the end of the journey, you will have gathered all the experiences you need to be rich in life thereafter.

Only we ourselves hold the key to changing our lives. Yes, we can ask for guidance, but ultimately it’s we who have to take charge. No one else is going to do that for us.

This article isn’t about culmination. Culmination is what happens at the end of our journey, and we aren’t there yet. This article is about the steps we need to take to change ourselves so that at the very end we can leave this world peacefully without any attachments. It’s about climbing the mountain all the way to the top…the peak and looking across the horizon, realizing we did get through this arduous journey mindfully. We chose the right paths. We can look back with a smile on our faces.

Chapter 2: The Five Elements

The five elements that make up our composition are not simply physical substances. They represent the fundamental aspects of our being. They are the mechanisms behind how we “feel” and “perceive” the world. The same five elements exist in all of us but for each one of us, they work differently because we’re all individuals.

I begin by speaking of a primal force, one of the five essential elements that sustain our existence in this world.

Within each of us, there resides a fire.

Fire: Go to any Hindu temple across the world, and you will witness priests reciting ancient prayers and chanting the many names of the gods, as the people they are praying for repeat those names while throwing the most precious foods and belongings into the fire. A mixture of all the good, whole foods and material belongings are thrown into the raging fire. Beautiful garments floating in a fiery mixture of honey, ghee, nuts, raisins, and coconuts, breathing in a new breath of hope into the air, from old regrets and burdensome hurdles of the past. You need fire to ignite you to start anew. But be careful because that fire that’s meant to motivate you can also go to your head, igniting your ego, and destroy your true self.

Earth: Be solid like the ground underneath your feet. Be resilient and able to withstand life’s wear and tear.

Air: The funny thing about air is that we can’t live without it. It fills up our world, and as much as it is everywhere, it’s always passing in and out, reverberating in our every breath. It goes beyond our home, our street, our community, our city, our state, our country, and passes through every soul - be it man, mammal, amphibian, fish, ant…any creature that breathes life.

Water: Be like water. Be adaptable, as water is. Water can fill any vessel. It morphs, it changes, it transforms, it shapes itself to what it’s given. Whatever life gives you, learn to fill it with all of yourself.

Ether (Akasha): The fifth element is often neglected yet equally significant. It is the element of space, complete emptiness, the medium through which sound travels. In Sanskrit, it’s known as Akasha. Ether is the bridge to the divine, the channel through which we communicate with the higher power. Call him the good Lord, or Ishvara in Sanskrit, and communicate with him using vibratory sounds such as chanting and sacred hymns. “Om Bhur Bhuva Swaha Om” represents this divine connection. It is the primeval sound (Om) permeating through the physical (Bhur), mental (Bhuva), and spiritual (Suvah) realms.

These five elements exist within us. Respect them and use them like you would your hands, feet, eyes, ears, and tongue. They are part of your existence, and you must learn to use them for your betterment.

Chapter 3: The Observer

Our minds are complex and frequently unruly, capable of both great wisdom and destructive chaos. If we fail to keep control over our thoughts, our minds can lead us astray, often into dangerous territory. Therefore, it is vital that we become keen observers of our own inner workings. Our thoughts, words, and behaviors should never control us.

Observe your inner workings like a hawk observes its prey. Only once you have understood yourself are you able to understand others. Know your triggers, your weaknesses, and your strengths. This will help you follow the paths laid out before you on life’s journey.

We have all heard the famous saying, words are sharper than knives. So always remember the cardinal rule of being a human: “If you cannot say anything nice about a person or situation, it’s better not to say anything at all.” In other words, it’s best to keep your mouth shut if you don’t have anything nice to say. Learn to shut the fuck up. Speak less. Listen more. Listen intently. Don’t just hear words. Distill them. Filter them. Take only what you need. Don’t mix emotion with logic.

Be mindful. Don’t speak ill of others. That includes yourself. I used to pride myself on my ability to deliver self-depracating humor. Don’t clown yourself in front of others. Some people can’t appreciate a sense of humor or understand a joke, so know your audience. Some people can interpret your confidence as an easy target for their own self-doubts and decide to trap you so they can make themselves look stronger.

Learn to fight negativity with positivity. If someone insults you, simply reply that they have the freedom to think whatever they want about you, but that doesn’t make it true. Then smile and walk away. The world will pull you up just to pull you back down. It happens more often than we would like because the world is never satisfied. One day, the world loves someone; the next, it hates them. So don’t get caught up in the world’s fickle-mindedness.

Learn that the responsibility of making the world a better place doesn’t fall on your shoulders. Start with yourself. Work on yourself. Once you have mastered yourself, the world will respond, and those who seek guidance, will naturally gravitate towards you.

Repent. Surrender. Heal. Meditate. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to scream, then scream. Don’t hold it in. Let it out. Let it go. Whatever is holding you back, cut the cord. Release it.

In meditation, you can still your mind and let go of guilt and pain. With a clear understanding of your shortcomings and bad habits, you can chart a path toward self-improvement. Just as the Hindu god of destruction, Shiva, clears the way for new creation, you too can renew and transform yourself.

Only you possess the ability to cure yourself. It’s within you right now as you read this, and it’s always been there.

Chapter 4: The Oyster

Look around you. Up until this point, your journey has remained a deep exploration of your inner self, but now it’s time to take a detour and shift your focus outward. I want you to submerge yourself in the world beyond, to become acutely aware of your surroundings.

Start by absorbing everything around you, as though you were taking a mental snapshot of your environment. Be fully present and engaged with the external world and your own thoughts. Realize that your existence extends far beyond the physical space you occupy. It stretches beyond the room in which you read this article, beyond the building that houses that room, beyond the street that the building stands on, beyond the city you call home, beyond the state or province, beyond the country, beyond the very planet we reside on, and as the Beatles so eloquently put it, it extends across the universe.

We’ve all heard the saying, the world is your oyster. The saying came from William Shakespeare’s play, The Merry Wives of Windsor. When Falstaff refuses to give his friend, Pistol, money, Pistol announces a profound statement, “Why then the world’s mine oyster, Which I with sword will open.” What does that mean exactly? It means that within an oyster rests a hidden pearl, but getting to it requires hard work. One must be dedicated to the pursuit of wealth. What is wealth? Well, that is the deeper question, isn’t it, my friends? Genuine wealth in my opinion is happiness. Yes, we need monetary wealth, money, to afford finer things in life, but then why is it that the richest people in the world can’t find happiness? So what is your pearl? Just money and fame? Or is it something deeper? Happiness is beyond the pearl, and that is why the world is your oyster.

Learn to be grateful. Sit back and take it all in. Every experience. Good and bad. Each one mattered. No matter how traumatic. No matter how gut-wrenching. No matter how torturous. It was there to teach us something. Like an alchemist, take those hardened metal emotions and transform them into gold.

Once you have gratitude, you will automatically come to appreciate each mouthful of water you take, every meal you relish, and every handshake you make on the trail of life.

Now think about that family member, that friend, that coworker, that boss, that pastor, or that stranger who told you about something that led you to where you are right now…that person who said to look at a certain job board, or to join a running meetup group, or who recommended an author that is now your favorite novelist. People come and go in your life. Some stay longer than others. Some are with you on most of your journey. Some only temporarily. But whatever time you spend with them, make it pleasant. And if those people who join you on your path are unpleasant, know that they are sharing the path with you for a reason, so deal with it and remain cool and composed. Be like a mindful Buddhist monk. Stay steady on your path and don’t be distracted. You have a place to reach, and no one should take you off your path.

That’s why gratitude is so important, because when your path becomes difficult, or the people who are walking the path become annoying, you can always reflect on what you do have, and such gratitude will give you the strength you need to carry on.

Chapter 5: The List

Have you ever gone to the grocery store and got everything the store had to offer except for the very thing you really needed? Like that gallon of milk?

That’s why you need a grocery list.

The same applies to the journey of life.

Create a list of commitments. I will share mine from two years ago:

My Journey List:

1. Go Vegetarian for Good

2. Read the Bhagavad Gita

3. Meditate and Chant Daily

4. Stop Using Profanity

5. Volunteer at the Temple

6. Go to the Temple Every Saturday Religiously

Everyone’s list will look different depending on what’s important to them.

For me, these items were significant for me at the time.

Chapter 6: The Path of Wisdom

The journey is about transformation. Lessons are learned and changes are made.

Life teaches us lessons in the most enigmatic ways. We never stop to think that sometimes the most difficult times are actually molding us to become a better version of ourselves. New and improved. We have heard it a million times…what happens is for our good. What exactly does that mean? Let’s break it down.

Even though an experience may seem horrible, it happened to teach us something. What we take from that experience, is up to us. Each experience along this mysterious journey called life is meant to shape us towards a better version of ourselves.

However, some things are unfathomable. Some news is unbearable and too horrific. It falls under the file of things we never speak of.

I heard a news report about a man who lived and worked at a hotel in Texas and was beheaded by a coworker. The poor man was chased down by this maniac in broad daylight, and his wife and child came out of their dwelling, to try and protect him. The wife and teenage son could do nothing, as the criminal used a machete to impale the man’s head from the rest of his body. Imagine seeing that horror unfold in front of your eyes as a wife or teenage son.

What would that do to you? How do you recover from that? How do you make sense of that? How do you believe in God after that?

These questions only arise when the worst happens.

Until then, it’s all fun and games. It’s all stop and smell the roses. It’s all whistle while you work.

I don’t have the answers for a tragedy such as the aforementioned.

Karma is real though and the lunatic who murdered the man will eventually pay for his bad deeds. Know that. In Hinduism, the universe is comprised of 14 realms. There are 7 heavenly realms above earth and 7 subterranean realms under earth. Naraka is similar to the concept of Hell, but it works more like a purgatory, a place where the soul undergoes suffering to pay for the bad karma and evil deeds accumulated on Earth.

Chapter 7: The Masterplan

Words hold immense power.

Think about the way we speak of work.

I work for XYZ company.

Now say I work with XYZ company.

An adjusted nuance in the way we describe our relationship with our employer can make a difference in the way we perform at our workplace.

Having a goal, a clear vision of what you aspire to achieve, is the basis of progress. But a vision without a plan is merely a dream. Devise a concrete plan that will work as roadmap that outlines the steps to reach your goal. Work diligently along this steady path, even when difficulties occur. Remember, opportunity often wears the disguise of obstacles, and true leaders recognize them as golden tickets on the road to success.

Success is just a door down from failure.

Learn to silence the mind.

Wisely choose when to speak and when to listen.

Let the trivialities of life work as instruments that help to orchestrate your life. Let the hurdles, setbacks, obstacles, and challenges be the drumbeats, the pauses, the break beats, the high hats that create the soundtrack to your life’s conquest.

Chapter 8: The Better Version

The point is this: Make a conscious decision to pause and choose actions that correspond with your authentic self. Once you’ve made that commitment, you’re on the path to becoming a better version of yourself. It’s important to acknowledge that you will make mistakes along the way as that is part of being human. The most accomplished people in the world are not immune to making mistakes. Remember that. So if you fall, get back up, and continue the climb.

Real change takes time, and the process can be grueling.

Society wants us to conform. Be this way. Be that way. The only way is your way. March to your own rhythm without a care if anyone is listening. If only your heart listens to the beat of your drum, then so be it.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, it’s this: Your ultimate goal in life is to be happy. Happiness is the essence of a life completely lived. So, let’s add it to the top of the list, as #1: “Just Be Happy.”