Harmony Lost

What marriages and music bands have in common.

Divorce is a nasty word.

But despite its nastiness, it’s a reality in the modern world.

It has reared its ugly head among couples, families, artists, companies… no entity is immune to the threat of divorce.

For some of us, divorce has found a way to enter through the back door or back gate, uninvited, like a midnight marauder, an unexpected guest, an intruder, a thief who robs us of our joy.

It has infiltrated our home. When it comes to our house, it becomes a personal threat. No longer do you think of divorce as just an unfortunate thing that happens to “others”. Nope, now you or someone you love is also a victim of the dreaded divorce.

My sister recently went through a divorce. This hits home personally because this man she was married to was once my close friend before he began a romantic relationship with my sister, which eventually led them down the aisle, locking hands and becoming husband and wife. It hit my parents, who had treated my brother-in-law like a son. We remember his good side before he left his wife and his then 17-year-old son. I remember when he and my sister worked effortlessly, like magicians, cleaning my apartment before I moved into a home. They scrubbed, mopped, dusted, polished, and made my apartment new for the next tenant, and saved my deposit, which, if you have lived in an apartment, you understand, is held until you move out and returned to you only if your apartment is spotless. They did a better job than a professional custodian would have done.

Why does this memory stand out to me? What is it about this particular moment that has not left my mind? Because at that moment, I witnessed them working together as a team…as a single unit…with a clear mission…to clean my apartment so I could get my deposit back.

And they were selfless, and that touched my heart. That selfless act, that caring deed, strummed at my heartstrings. That song is now just a memory. I can never hear it played again.

And now, since we are talking about the music of life, let’s talk about divorce in the world of rock music.

I never enjoyed work. I have no shame in saying that. I wasn’t one of the fortunate ones who graduated from college and just started a career in what I was passionate about and learned to do things from the ground up and work my way to the top. No, it didn’t happen that way for me. My journey, especially when it comes to work, hasn’t been linear. It’s been a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, loops, and frightful falls, that can leave someone nauseated and sick. I’ve had all kinds of jobs, from being a 3D animator and college instructor to an IT specialist and new home sales consultant (a real estate agent who exclusively sells homes for a builder), and now I do something that isn’t even worth mentioning because it doesn’t sing to me. I get nothing from what I currently do, which is why I have recently retreated to writing to find some satisfaction in life.

I wanted to be a writer from the beginning. I wanted to make movies. I then wanted to act in my own movies. I used to dream, and at the end of each dream, it would say, “A dream directed by Sai.” When you have dreams that vivid as a child, you’re bound to become a person obsessed with getting his voice out. The biggest fear is to die with your words still trapped inside of you. I wanted to shout it out into a microphone like a rock singer.

Which brings me to this next part. Not even the bands I grew up listening to are happy to make the music that made me so happy as a teenager. Why is that so?

The Smiths. New Order. Jane’s Addiction.

Just a few bands with strained relationships among the members.

The Smiths:

The feud between the guitarist Marr and the vocalist Morrissey. Miscommunication stemming from Marr’s break from managing the band that Morrissey misread as abandonment. Then, bassist Rourke and drummer Joyce sued both Marr and Morrissey over royalty distribution. And most recently, Morrissey replaced “The Smiths” merchandise with “Morrissey”.

New Order:

Peter Hook, the bassist for New Order and its predecessor, Joy Division, is known for creating the bass line that made the bands famous. But in 2007, Peter Hook departed from the band. We were “hooked” on that signature New Order bass line, and now it was gone. The lead singer, Bernard Sumner, Stephen Morris, and Gillian Gilbert continued on, and Bernard Sumner even got together with the ex-guitarist of The Smiths, Johnny Marr, to form the side project, Electronic.

Jane’s Addiction:

Perry Farrell, the enigmatic lead singer of the late 80s and early 90s punk rock band, disbanded in December 2025 when Perry threw a punch at the guitarist, Dave Navarro. And like the song “Jane Says” goes, she can’t hit…neither could Perry. His punch missed Dave, who skillfully dodged it, and Eric Avery, the bassist, stepped in and ended the scuffle. But when the original four worked together in the earlier days of the band, drummer Stephen Perkins, bassist Eric Avery, guitarist Dave Navarro, and vocalist Perry Farrell, had created magic in a bottle.

Not even magic is safe from divorce.

If a relationship is really important to someone, they will do whatever it takes to keep the relationship going.

For many years, I would think that doing something exciting or glamorous like being in a band or working on a movie set as an actor or behind the scenes as a movie director would be the safety zone that protected one from divorce, but that isn’t the case. Relationships can get strained over time, and miscommunication among members can cause ripples that lead to being swept into the waters of divorce.

Now, a few notable mentions of bands that have remained together despite the riffs that tried to tear them apart.

Oasis:

Noel Gallagher and Liam Gallagher are known for their sibling rivalry. When Oasis announced that they were getting back together for their Oasis Live ‘25 Tour, fans were overjoyed to hear the news. Tickets sold out within a few hours. Everyone expected the two brothers to get in a fight. Instead, what the crowd got was two brothers who walked out on-stage holding hands, a true sign of maturity, and playing their hits like the best rock stars they always claimed to be.

Blur:

Blur might have won the battle of Britpop, but Oasis definitely won the war. Even the lead vocalist of Blur, Damon Albarn, admitted that Oasis was better at connecting to the people than Blur. Both bands would admit years later that the Britpop feud was embarrassing. Blur changed their sound altogether, adopting a lo-fi indie rock style influenced by bands like Pavement, Sonic Youth, and Fugazi, partly due to the guitarist Graham Coxon’s admiration for those bands. Then, despite two successful albums, the self-titled Blur and the even more experimental 13, Graham Coxon was asked to leave the band in 2002. Graham Coxon continued to create music on his own and also work on creating the soundtracks for tv series, such as The End of the F***ing World. Blur went on hiatus, and during that pause, Damon Albarn began his animated pop group, Gorillaz. Despite a long hiatus, Blur rose from the ashes and surprised their dear fans with a reunion tour and new album, The Ballad of Darren, in 2023.

Red Hot Chili Peppers:

RHCP has had more guitarists than Spinal Tap has had drummers.

For the sake of this article, John Frusciante is the guitarist of RHCP. He left the band several times because of his drug addiction.

Dave Navarro of Jane’s Addiction stepped in temporarily, and as talented as Dave is, he just couldn’t match what John was able to bring to RHCP.

RHCP is back to their original lineup, after the passing of original guitarist and co-founder of RHCP, Hillel Slovak, who died of a drug overdose.

That is vocalist Anthony Keidis, bassist Flea, guitarist John Frusciante, and drummer Chad Smith.

The conclusion is this… if it matters, you will figure out how to keep the harmony alive. When true love is there, harmony can never be lost.